


The one part of his heart

by Fangirlmoon



Series: Derek 'Hondo' Morgan [10]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV), S.W.A.T. (TV 2017)
Genre: Autism, Autistic Spencer Reid, Hurt Spencer Reid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:22:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28732644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlmoon/pseuds/Fangirlmoon
Summary: The BAU has a case in LA and Reid surprises Morgan at the station who remembers the time he left the BAU.____AU in which Derek Morgan's reason to leave the BAU is he took on the position as a Teamleader with the LAPD Swat.[This is based on "criminal minds" and "S.W.A.T", Derek Morgan and Daniel Harrelson are the same person in this AU]
Relationships: Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid
Series: Derek 'Hondo' Morgan [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2080692
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I advice you to read the previous parts first for a better understanding of the storyline.

"Matt can you do me a favour?" Spencer asked enthusiastically as he recognised the road they were on. 

"Sure, what do you need?"

"Can you turn right next and then follow my directions."

"Of course." He did what was told. "Were are we heading?" Matt asked with a teasing smile. He knew were they were heading, they had a bet running how long it would take Spencer to go see Morgan after they had landed in LA. He won, they were hardly three hours there.

"LAPD SWAT. Morgan works there, I will just say hello real quick." As they were parking,Reid had already solved his seatbelt and was eager to get out of the car and Matt couldn't deny how good it was to see him smile that much. And to know that he just won 50 dollar. 

Morgan was just discussing a case with his team as Jessica came into the room, with a smile, he knew meant something was about to happen, when he saw Spencer stepping in. "What are you doing here?" Happily and surprised he closed the kid into a hug,holding him tight. 

"We have a case here." Spencer explained and tried to let go but Morgan wasn't having it.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too but can you please let go. I didn't inform Emily we would step by here."

"I did." Matt clarified. 

"Matt Simmons,long time not seen." Morgan shook his hand before turning his attention back to Spencer. "I better not be seeing you checking into some hotel,when you've got your perfect little room in my house understand?"

"Crystal clear." Teasingly Morgan messed up Spencer's hair. 

"Oh god, I missed you."

"We should be going, I'll see you later."

"I am looking forward."


	2. Chapter 2

"Well someone looks happy." Rossi comments on Reids smile as he checked his phone.

"Morgan just wrote that he finished his shift and is at home."

"I don't think there is much we can do today. I say we end it, everyone go to the hotel and get some sleep. Keep your phones nearby,the same goes for you Dr. Reid." Emily announced. 

"Do you want me to drop you off?" Luke asks as Reid gets up.

"That would be nice." They didn't drive in quiet. Luke was playing some music and Reid gave insides about the different places they passed. "Here is the restaurant Morgan and I go to."

"Looks cozy."

"It is. It's not loud, it's dark and the waitresses are very nice." Reid explained shortly before they arrived at Morgans home. "That would be it,thank you for driving me."

"You are welcome,call if I should pick you up."

"I will." 

"Bring him in." Surprised Spencer as well as Luke looked at Morgan who was standing in the doorway. 

"What?" As Morgan came to the car,Luke turned it off.

"You guys must be hungry, I made enough for three if you want." Morgan offered through the open window. "Its good to see you."

"Good to see you too but I am good." Luke declined politely, looking at Spencer's confused face. 

"You sure, it's just some pasta with cheese and paprika." 

"That's my favourite!" Spencer announced happily and stepped next to Morgan on the sidewalk. 

"Of course it is, no one else would cook that." Luke joked before pulling out the keys and rolling up the window. He didn't really know what to think about this,was it because he had the joke being mean thing going with Garcia? Was it just kindness because Morgan knows how much the days working for the BAU can wear you out? 

"Take a seat." Thankfully he sat down at the large wooden table before Morgan placed a plate and glass in front of him. "So tell me,what brings the BAU down here?"

"The UNSUB kidnaps young men, college students, and drops them off dead two days later without a tongue." Luke answered while Reid went upstairs. "I bet you heard about that."

"Only rumours." Morgan answered. "I only have water here, the rest is alcoholic, I hope that's fine."

"Of course, thank you for having me."

"Spencer's family,is my family no need to thank me." So it was about Spencer. "And don't be to afraid of the dinner,ones you taste it, you can't unlike it."

"I bet. He eats the weirdest stuff. And drinks the weirdest stuff." Luke joked.

"One quarter of sugar with his coffee. Sometimes I am surprised that it is still a liquid not mush."

"Whipped cream on top is his new thing best part about it is the cream sticking to his upper lip afterwards." 

"There you have the reason why I call him kid." Morgan placed the pan on the table and sat down in front of Luke which caused an uncomfortable silence since Reid hadn't come down yet. Luke didn't have anything against Morgan, they met when Reid got out of prison and got along good,he wondered if Morgan knew what strings he pulled to keep him safe in there. 

"Oh you guys didn't have to wait on me." Quickly Spencer sat down before Morgan took the pan and split the food on the three plates. "When do you have to be at work tomorrow?"

"8am,I can drop you off before if you want." 

"As long as there isn't another victim tonight."

"Of course." They started eating in silence before Morgan opened the conversation again. "So how is my baby girl?"

"She is good. She told me to say hi from her to you. She misses you. I feel bad because I can see you and she doesn't." Reid quickly replied. 

"You don't have too. She can come visit me everytime she wants too."

"But she hardly ever gets a vacation." Reid answers.

"She could have and you know it. There is no need to beat yourself up about it and when I use my vacation days I can come to you and I will be able to spend time with her as well." Morgan explained while Luke stayed silence. "Also I am pretty sure the fact that Emily is there, makes up for it."

"I'd rather have you there." Spencer answered quickly, he didn't mean to be mean.


	3. Chapter 3

Nearly three years ago:

"Are you sure about this?" Hotch looked up from the papers in his hand to Morgan. 

"Absolutely. I have been sure for the last six month and I hoped the feeling would be gone when I come back but I don't want this anymore. It was enough for me. I am taking on a position as a team leader with the LAPD SWAT. I've got the offer two days ago and it couldn't have been a better timing."

"There are other options. Better options. You have offers from various places." Hotch tried.

"I made my decision. I will leave on Saturday."

"That's in three days-" Hotch couldn't deny how much it surprised and hurt him even if the two had their moments in which they wished to bide each others head off. "What about- Am I the first one to know?"

"Of course. You are the team leader, I wanted you to know first."

"I can't say I am not surprised."

"I am not going to apologise." 

"And you don't have too. I am proud of you."

"So you are accepting my resignation?" 

"Of course, I respect you and if this is what you want,I won't stop you. Just know you always have a place here. You are family." They shared a hug, a hug that was long overdue. A hug that represents years of trust and friendship. Of faith and respect. "How do you want to spread the message?"

"I will make it quick, just gathering everyone in the conference room and if there is the need or wish for drinks afterwards, I will be more than happy to pay."

"Okay, I will gather everyone." With a racing heart Hotch went for the door before he stops. "I know this is a low blow and not something that should stop you from taking that step but have you thought about Spencer?"

"What do you think was the reason I even came back for this case?" 

"Are you sure you want to tell him at the same time as the others?"

"He won't take it well,no matter how I tell him. I just want to get this over with."


	4. Chapter 4

Present:

"You don't mean that kid." Nervous Morgan tucks a curl behind Reid's hair. Luke had heard the short summary of Morgan's leaving and he didn't want to imagine how Reid had felt. "Emily is a great team leader."

"Till she dies again." Confused Luke looked at Reid.

"Till she what?"

"She made us carry her casket, while she was wandering through Paris, great time I can promise you." It was also the time Morgan and Reid had talked less than they should have. They should have been there for each other but instead they separated each other, captured by their own grief. 

"Maybe let's not talk about it." Morgan stopped him. "I heard you've got a dog."

"Yeah, I worked with her and now she enjoys her retirement with me." Luke shared. 

"I remember when I had a dog a couple years ago. His name was Clooney." 

"He hated me." Reid commented which made Morgan and Luke chuckle. "And Roxy does too."

"That's not true."

"She won't stop cuddling herself against me no matter what I do." 

"That is the opposite of hating you." Luke clarified. 

"Sounds like you two spend a lot of time together."

"Do you not read my letters?" Spencer asks offended before Morgan takes his fork and points at the end of the table were Spencer's letters were opened and stacked above each other. "Oh."

"I don't want to know what you know about me, man."

"Oh I know everything, Mr. Best lasagna maker in the country." Morgan teased Spencer and Luke. 

"He really does make the best."

"Spencer-"

"But we have this unspoken rule to not bring it up in front of Rossi because Luke thinks he will lose that battle." Spencer continued.

"I don't think I will lose, I know it."

"That man is a god in the kitchen." Morgan agreed. 

"But this is good too." Luke compliments. 

"Like I said,its really just pasta and cheese. And paprika." 

"To be honest: If I would have gone back to the hotel, I would have just fall asleep." 

"Well, I am spoiling my pretty boy,why not spoiling you too."

"You should really turn that down a bit, I am stepping by at least every hundred days,no need to spoil me everytime. Or at all." Spencer spoke up.

"I will not turn that down, nor stop it."

Guilty he looks at Spencer just enjoying the Pasta while Luke could see the sadness in Morgan's eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

Nearly three years ago:

"I didn't know we had a case." Garcia spoke up as they all sit down in the conference room while Morgans is standing next infront of the screen.

"We don't. We just have something to discuss, or better to announce." Hotch comments looking down at his file not wanting to see either Reid's nor Garcia's face when Morgan tells them.

"Did something happen?" Reid asks.

"No, like Hotch said, I just have an announcement to make." Nervously Morgan took a deep breath before rubbing his hands against each other. "effective immediately,I will resign from my position as an Agent with the BAU and FBI in general and will proceed to work with the LAPD SWAT." He bits it out short but not painless.

"LAPD?" JJ asks confused. 

"I got the offer a few days back, I was leaving anyway-"

"LAPD? You mean the LAPD? Down in LA?" With tears in her eyes Garcia looks at Morgan. 

"Yeah. I will take over a team."

"Kid, you have so many great opportunities, you could join the SWAT with the FBI-"

"Rossi, I appreciate your concern but this is not me asking for your guys opinion. I made my decision and I am going to stick with it." 

"When will you move?"

"Saturday." Morgan answered Tara's question.

"Why so fast? Why not thinking this through first?" Morgan knew from the beginning that Garcia would cry and break his heart.

"I thought about leaving for months. This is not what I want to keep doing. I don't want to keep giving myself to hunt down these monsters." 

"SWAT is far more dangerous-"

"Physically? Maybe. Emotionally I am way better off there." He shuts her down and looks worried at Spencer who hasn't said a word. "Reid?"

"You will be 2.668,9 miles away." 

"I know."

"Why would you leave us?" He asks, his face showing the hurt and confusion. 

"Because I know that it will the best for me." Morgan tried while Rossi refused to look at Reid but instead looked at him with a face that was judging him. It was more about hurting Reid this much as it was about making this decision. 

"Why SWAT?" Tara asks.

"Its something I always wanted to try." Morgan answered in reality he didn't really know why. He was in fact pretty sure they didn't expect him to except the offer either.

"Bullshit." Rossi commented. 

"Like I said,I am not looking for approval." Morgan staid confident. 

"Why would you go away? Why would you go away?" Reid spoke his hands in his hair which caused Morgan to step around the table. He had watched Reid's mood changing fast over the last minute.

"Look at me, Spencer."

"Why would you go away?" He repeated, he was crying while pulling his hair. 

"I know you hate changes but somethings just need to."

"This doesn't you could stay." He proceeded to pull with more strength which caused Morgan to grab the kids arms. "Don't touch me!" He yelled, while Tara stood up,giving Morgan more space.

Morgan did let go which leads Reid to take his fist and hit his thigh before hitting Morgan, who sat down in Tara's chair, turning Reid's and his chair towards each other, in the shoulder. "Hey, careful." Reid hit again and again before Morgan stopped him. 

"Let me go. Let me go!" His voice was drawn by the pain he felt, his face covered in tears. 

"I can't do that. You are hurting me." As Spencer tried to kick, Morgan quickly moved further in Spencer's personal space and stopped his legs from moving by pressing his knees on each side against them. 

"I hate you." He got to hear repeatedly from his best friends while making sure he wasn't hurting himself or others."I hate you, you can't leave."

"I am sorry, Spencer."

"I hate you." 

"I love you. Don't let this be the end of our friendship okay?" 

"I hate you." 

"Morgan,maybe you should go." Hotch spoke up, since Reid didn't seem to calm down. 

"I am sorry kid." He let's go of the skinny arm and realises the pressure on Spencer's legs before standing up and looking at the sobbing man ones more and then leaving the conference room before crying himself not even half a minute later as he walked down the stairs.


	6. Chapter 6

Present: 

"I changed the sheets, you are good to go." Morgan announced after Luke had left leaving him with a tired Spencer. "Or do you need anything else?"

"No I am good,I will see you tomorrow."

"Wake me up if there is an update in the case, I will drive you."

"I think I will just call Luke, no need to wake you up." With that he disappeared up the stairs while Morgan finishes his cup of tea watching the news. He knew that this was probably not a case that would take them long to solve, that this would probably not even a week he gets to spend with Spencer not even talking about that they only see each other for maybe an hour in the evening, if that hour isn't filled with Morgans shift or Spencer pulling an all-nighter. To be honest Morgan was after the first wave of happiness calmed down, worried that Spencer would have to say goodbye again. It had always been the same, two to three days before he would have to leave he would start getting snappy, maybe even a little bit aggressive and then on the day he would have to leave he would just stay quiet, Morgan would hardly get a word out of him and then they would drive to the airport and they would have to say goodbye and the first time it went good, a little bit nervousness but nothing to worry about. When Spencer had to leave after Morgan recovered, he would start bringing up every reason why he should stay with him for longer and the last time was just Spencer silently crying but not saying anything except for asking repeatedly if Morgan would promise him that he was allowed to come back in 100 days. Morgan was wondering if the fact that it was a decision made in one hour and then he would have to go in the next was better for him or worse.

"I made breakfast."

"Oh you didn't have to." Surprised Reid looked at the pancakes on the kitchen table as he came down the stairs.

"And coffee?" With a smile he places a cup of coffee in Reid's hands. "Careful it's still hot."

"This is probably the best breakfast I had while working on a case."

"And you haven't even tried it yet." They enjoyed their company before they made their way to work.

"Do you want to come in? I am sure you could see Emily and the others." Reid suggested as Morgan stopped the car.

"I am already running late, say hi from me,I will see that I can say hello to them over the next days."

"Be safe." With a grin, Reid closed the car door before Morgan could even say anything else. 

It was a weird feeling knowing Reid was working so close by and for some reason Morgan was more worried than he usually is. They isn't any difference in the risk of Reid's job just because he is in LA but he can't stop thinking about if he is okay.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah,just checking my messages." Morgan answered as he and Deacon walked to his car after checking out a lead. 

"We could stop by you know."

"What?"

"The FBI. Don't act like this isn't about the kid. You've been checking your messages all morning. It will take what? 10 minutes?" 

"And then I would say what? Oh I am checking in on you, for absolute no apparent reason? He is working." Morgan argued as he got into the car.

"He steps by to show you what books he got from the library." Deacon argued.

"Alright. Let's get some donuts and surprise them." 

Needless to say their was joy spread across the teams face as Morgan walked in with the pink box filled with donuts in his hand, while they were stuck for the moment.

"You are a god." Emily exclaimed as he saw him. "Its so good to see you."

"It's good to see you too,Prentiss." 

"Please tell me there are really donuts in there." JJ said while she pulled Morgan into a hug.

"Who would I be if there weren't?" JJ gives him a wink before taking the box and placing it on the table.

"Good to see you kid." It followed hugs from Rossi and Tara. 

"Were is Reid?"

"Getting coffee." With a wide grin on her face JJ bit into a pink donut. "You miss him already?"

"No, but nobody better touch that chocolate frosted with sprinkles donut it has his name on it." Morgan warned. 

"First the kid gets breakfast that he won't shut up about and now this, I think he is picking favourites." Knowingly Rossi looks at Morgan. The two weren't as close as they used to be but it is also not as bad as it was shortly after Morgan left.


	7. Chapter 7

Three years earlier:

"Packing up the last stuff?" Surprised Morgan looked up to seeing Rossi standing in the doorway of his office. He hadn't heard him coming. "You need any help?"

"Nah, I am good. Thank you."

"Spencer spend the night at JJ's."

"Rossi-" The older man stepped into the dark office. 

"I know yesterday was supposed to be a ripping the bandage off thing, but what on earth were you thinking?" 

"Its done." Annoyed Morgan closes the box before taking the next one. 

"It is not. Did you talk to him?"

"There is nothing to talk about. He will be fine."

"You could at least try a little bit harder."

"Rossi I can't put my life on hold because of him. He is not even my Boyfriend." 

"Despite the fact, that that has nothing to with this, I don't mean you shouldn't go. I mean you should talk to him before you do. Alone and with patient. You don't want to leave like this." With one last view Morgan packs a picture frame of the team in the box before closing it to and stacking it on the other. 

"I will leave tomorrow. We can go separated ways in a fight or we can say goodbye as the friends I always thought we were right here." 

"You know I respect you kid, but I hate the way you are doing this." With that Morgan picked up the boxes and moves past Rossi before turning to him one last time.

"I am gonna miss you."

The only response he got was a nod.


	8. Chapter 8

Present:

"There he is." 

"What are you doing here?" Confused Reid looked at Morgan and Deacon.

"Your boyfriend bought donuts." Tara explained with a mocking smile. 

"Oh great." There were a few chuckles in the room about how Reid didn't comment on the boyfriend part. "You got my favourite!"

"I sure did." Morgan enjoyed watching Reid happiness for a second before taking a deep breath and announcing that they should go.

"Be careful,and it was nice to see you again." 

"You too,women you too." He let's himself slid back into his former sarcastic flirty way of talking to his coworkers. He had quit that when he took on his new position. 

"We will be stepping by before we fly back." Rossi announced. "Making sure your team isn't worse than this." He points at Luke who already has the powdered sugar on his shirt.

"You do that. Deacon remind me to hide Street." He earns himself a chuckle from his teammate. "Alright, catch that son of a bitch."

"How did you know that it is a man?" Deacon asks as they leave the room.

"The evidence board was there, I was a profiler for two decades you don't forget your skills."


	9. Chapter 9

The next day Morgan came home to one of the black SUV's parked in front of his house. It was rare that Spencer drives himself especially since Mexico and considering that it was to early for them to have ended the day. 

"Spencer?" 

"He is upstairs." Surprised Morgan looks at Rossi who was standing in his living room. "He fell and hit his head."

"He fell?"

"I don't know how he managed to do that,but do we ever?" Rossi joked which leads Morgan to the assumption that it probably wasn't to bad. "I bought him here to get cleaned up and rest."

"I will take over,thank you." 

"It's okay, I can wait and take him back-"

"We are good here." Morgan insisted. 

"Long day?"

"I am just sure they need your back." 

"Right." Slowly Rossi makes his way back to the door. "I thought we are passed this?"

"We are, I just want to make sure he is alright. There is no need for you to stay here."

"No, you are still mad at me."

"I am not, Rossi. I thought we buried our difficulties when I visited you guys in Washington." 

"We did?"

"You visited me when I was shot. That was a sign for me that you are pass this. It was three years ago that I left and I forgave you for not calling when Reid was arrested. I'd say we are more than even,but right know I just want to spend some time with him and I don't need you here for that."

"Alright, I will go. Just so you know I am sorry that I didn't call, that I let my Ego get in the way. You would have had a right to know." Morgan watched Rossi get in his car from the window before walking up the stairs and knocking at the bathroom.

"I am not done."

"Its Derek, can I come in?"

"Oh,yes. Its not as bad as it looks like." Slowly Morgan opens the door and is surprised by the blood on his floor before looking up to Reid, who had blood running down his face.

"What happened?"

"I wanted to get the dirt out of my hair and the bandage got wet so I took it off because I couldn't stand the feeling and I was sure you had some nearby but I couldn't find any and now I have blood in my hair and no bandage." Sometimes Morgan wonders how he had survived so far.

"Okay sit down." 

"Were?"

"On the floor. I don't need you to pass out." Apologetic Spencer sat down looking up to Morgan while the blood drops from his face. Reid was right, it wasn't as bad as it looks like,its mostly just blood with a lot of water. "Take of your shirt while I get a bandage from the living room. And then we will wash your hair and treat the wound alright?" 

Morgan found what he was searching for pretty quickly before he went back upstairs and looked down at Reid who was looking down on his shaking hands covered in blood. "You okay?"

"Mmm."

"Okay, tell me when you feel lightheaded or sick promise?"

"I will."

"Good, now suit yourself next to the shower, I will wash your hair out and than we will take care of the wound alright?" Insecure Spencer got himself situated with his head on the edge of the shower, looking up to Morgan and tracking every moves he makes with his eyes. "If this makes you uncomfortable, we can find another way."

"Its okay, I just had never someone wash my hair before." 

"I will do my best, so you will never want to do it by yourself again."

"I am not sure that would be a good idea, considering how much time I live alone." He said while Morgan checked the temperature.

"Close your eyes pretty boy." He did while nervously tapping his finger on the ground while Morgan stared to let the water run over his hair. "I am not going to use shampoo, so it won't get into the wound, so please tell me if I hurt you while pulling the dirt out."

"You aren't." They stayed in silence for a few moment, just Morgan running his fingers through Spencers hair before he couldn't wait to ask. 

"What the hell did you do kid?"

"I was following a person that was supposed to help us and then I slipped and banged my head against a car-"

"You were hit by a car?" Shocked Morgan stopped for a second. 

"No no no, it was just standing there and I don't know what really happened but the blood dried in my hair with the sand and I couldn't get it out."

"I hope you got the guy?"

"Oh no. Rossi is not faster than I am and I already had a huge distance." He was glad Reid had his eyes close because he couldn't help but laugh about that. "Is this something Friends do?"

"What?"

"Washing each others hair. Because I told Matt about how close we are and he asked if I wouldn't find some things odd."

"For example?"

"Sleeping in one bed."

"Why did you even tell him that?"

"Because he asked if I finally had found someone to spend the night with." That was when Morgan turned the water out and grabbed a towel.

"He didn't find certain things we do together odd, with his questions he meant if you found a partner. A girlfriend." Reid staid silence for a moment.

"Oh, how did I miss it?"

"It happens, don't worry." Morgan lied,thinking about the time Spencer had announced to the whole Team that he had dreamt of him and everybody was disturbed till Morgan asked him what he had dreamt because he knew, if it was what everybody thought it was, he wouldn't have told them. "You can open your eyes and sit up." He placed the wet towel on Reid shoulders which made the younger man shrink. "Sorry, I will take a dry one." After that he proceeded to clean Reid's face and patched the for the amount of blood really small wound up. "I will get you new clothes."

"I am actually pretty tired, I think I will go to sleep." Reid told Morgan as he got dresses in more comfortable clothes.

"You do that, I will check in on you."

It took Spencer five hours till he came down the stairs, Morgan was just on his way to bed. "Were do you think you are going?"

"They found another body."

"And they will find another one if you don't get you ass back into your bed."  
Spencer stocked for a moment before ignoring what Morgan just said and stumbling down the stairs. "At least let me drive you." 

Tired Morgan followed Spencer out of the door, driving quietly with him to the crime scene. He hated this. There was the one side of his heart that was still clinging to his old job, missing the team, missing profiling, missing getting lost in cases and the other part of his heart being absolutely disgusted, wanting to see as least as possible, looking down when he saw a distraught person probably the one that found the next victim. "I am sorry."

"What?"

"I am sorry I made you drive down here. I know how much you hate it."

"It's not like I don't see crime scenes anymore, it's all good." He nodded to JJ as Reid got out of the car,he watched him getting updated before pulling away from the scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language so I am sorry if some mistakes make you want to clean your eyes with bleach.


End file.
